As your
world crashes around you, as your days seem dark and dreary, as you wish for
the sun to shine around you, look to the skies and see the rainbows abound.
There are
so many of us in the world today who are experiencing grief. Having lost loved ones in recent times it is
often extremely difficult for us to come to terms with their transition home. Many of us are raised not to talk about death
or the process of transition and we are sheltered as young ones and prevented
from going to the funeral or memorial services of our deceased loved ones. In fact, the subject of death is taboo to
many, mainly due to our being unable to answer questions relating to death and
or our own fearful insecurities which
have been handed down to us from past generations.
The
dictionary describes grief as a deep mental anguish arising from
bereavement. Further to this Wikipedia
describes grief as “a multifaceted response
to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to
which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the
emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioural,
social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions.”
Although
grief is universal, there is no right or wrong way to experience it. There is no time limit to the grieving
process either. What is important to remember is that it is
our own unique experience and whichever way we experience it, it is okay to
experience it the way we are.
The basic
stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. We all go through these stages. Some of us
bounce back and forth between them, some of us go through them as they are
stated and some of us find it very difficult to move past a certain stage if we
ever move past it at all.
Denial
In this
stage we are generally in a state of disbelief.
This cannot be happening. This
has not happened. This is just a lie or
a dream. There is no truth in what has
happened. In this stage we hide from
reality as a means of protection to the waves of pain that flood us during the
initial loss of a loved one.
Anger
As reality
returns to us and we experience up upsurge of pain, we become angry and often become
our anger becoming furious toward our loved that has passed. We become angry, furious, and sometimes destructive
to those who were involved in the last months, days and moments of our loved
ones life. We point our fingers at the doctors and
nurses, the care givers, the person or persons who were also involved in the
accident which may have resulted in the death of our loved one. We become angry at God or your Divine, questioning
how He could be so cruel as to take the life of the one you love. We also
sometimes turn our anger toward those who surround us and more often than not,
we are angry at ourselves. Many of us
believe that if we had somehow intervened or had said or not said whatever it
was that was spoken or unspoken this would not have happened. The ‘should have’s’, ‘shouldn’t haves and ‘what
if’s’ raise their heads through the pain that we are feeling.
Bargaining
It is
during this time that we generally bargain with God or your Divine. We say and
think things such as I would give my life in exchange for my loved one’s
life. If You could have let them live
for a bit longer I would do this or that or if I had one more day to just say I
love you.
Depression
Everyone
experiences depression differently. Some
of us sink into the pit of darkness and despair believing that we will never ‘get
over’ the loss of a loved one. Some of
us become quiet and withdraw into ourselves unwilling to talk to anyone and refusing
to eat. Some of us sleep as much as
possible in an attempt to avoid the pain. Some of us become hermits refusing to see
another simply because we cannot face another person asking us for the details
of the transition of our loved one. Some
of us put the mask of merriment on and run until we drop in an effort to hide
the sadness and loss we are experiencing.
Some of us stoically say ‘it was their time’ and play the part of moving
on never addressing the feelings of loss that lurk beneath the surface. Some
of us refuse to listen to music afraid that one day the lyrics of a song will
bring back very painful memories. Some
of us spend our days in tears and some of us experience all of these
fluctuating back and forth between emotions.
Yet it is
usually within this stage of the grieving process that we realise the reality
of the death of the loved one. We
realise that the clock cannot be turned back and that there is only the future
ahead.
Acceptance
During this
stage, we realise fully the finality of death.
We have a true and cognitive
understanding that it is what it is, that death is but a part of life. It is the in this time that we realise we
will be okay, that we know we will be able to live with the memories of our
loved ones and that we will once more laugh and smile again.
Often
throughout the process of grieving we come to realise that there is more to
death than the death of the body. We realise that the soul continues to journey
into the afterlife or the astral and through that we as individuals grow spiritually.
We accept that when we ourselves
transition we will meet with our loved one again. It is
usually during this time that we come to a place of peace about all that has
transpired.
As you are
aware from previous blogs of mine, we incarnate to learn and to teach. And so, finally, I recommend that you
continue your healing in forgiveness of all that was and is. It is when we forgive both ourselves and our
deceased loved one, those around us who were part of this journey and God, your
Divine, that we can find absolute peace within our soul.
Finally in
ending, BE in gentleness with yourself and those around you as you process your
grief. BE with absolute Love of all that was and is. Most of all BE blessed with peace as you
celebrate the continuance of your loved one’s soul journey. May Angels always walk beside you and comfort
you as you grieve.
In love and
light,
Amanda
Image courtesy of: https://bethtrissel.wordpress.com/2014/07/13/until-we-meet-again-may-god-hold-you-in-the-palm-of-his-hand-irish-prayer/
© Amanda C Nicolin 2015
Permission
is granted to share this article freely on the condition that the author is
credited.
