Rainbows Abound

As your world crashes around you, as your days seem dark and dreary, as you wish for the sun to shine around you, look to the skies and see the rainbows abound.

There are so many of us in the world today who are experiencing grief.  Having lost loved ones in recent times it is often extremely difficult for us to come to terms with their transition home.  Many of us are raised not to talk about death or the process of transition and we are sheltered as young ones and prevented from going to the funeral or memorial services of our deceased loved ones.  In fact, the subject of death is taboo to many, mainly due to our being unable to answer questions relating to death and or our own fearful  insecurities which have been handed down to us from past generations.

The dictionary describes grief as a deep mental anguish arising from bereavement.  Further to this Wikipedia describes grief as “a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioural, social, spiritual, and philosophical dimensions.”

Although grief is universal, there is no right or wrong way to experience it.  There is no time limit to the grieving process either.   What is important to remember is that it is our own unique experience and whichever way we experience it, it is okay to experience it the way we are.

The basic stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  We all go through these stages. Some of us bounce back and forth between them, some of us go through them as they are stated and some of us find it very difficult to move past a certain stage if we ever move past it at all. 

Denial

In this stage we are generally in a state of disbelief.  This cannot be happening.  This has not happened.  This is just a lie or a dream.  There is no truth in what has happened.  In this stage we hide from reality as a means of protection to the waves of pain that flood us during the initial loss of a loved one. 

Anger

As reality returns to us and we experience up upsurge of pain, we become angry and often become our anger becoming furious toward our loved that has passed.  We become angry, furious, and sometimes destructive to those who were involved in the last months, days and moments of our loved ones life.   We point our fingers at the doctors and nurses, the care givers, the person or persons who were also involved in the accident which may have resulted in the death of our loved one.  We become angry at God or your Divine, questioning how He could be so cruel as to take the life of the one you love. We also sometimes turn our anger toward those who surround us and more often than not, we are angry at ourselves.  Many of us believe that if we had somehow intervened or had said or not said whatever it was that was spoken or unspoken this would not have happened.  The ‘should have’s’, ‘shouldn’t haves and ‘what if’s’ raise their heads through the pain that we are feeling.

Bargaining

It is during this time that we generally bargain with God or your Divine. We say and think things such as I would give my life in exchange for my loved one’s life.  If You could have let them live for a bit longer I would do this or that or if I had one more day to just say I love you. 

Depression

Everyone experiences depression differently.  Some of us sink into the pit of darkness and despair believing that we will never ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one.  Some of us become quiet and withdraw into ourselves unwilling to talk to anyone and refusing to eat.  Some of us sleep as much as possible in an attempt to avoid the pain.  Some of us become hermits refusing to see another simply because we cannot face another person asking us for the details of the transition of our loved one.  Some of us put the mask of merriment on and run until we drop in an effort to hide the sadness and loss we are experiencing.  Some of us stoically say ‘it was their time’ and play the part of moving on never addressing the feelings of loss that lurk beneath the surface.   Some of us refuse to listen to music afraid that one day the lyrics of a song will bring back very painful memories.  Some of us spend our days in tears and some of us experience all of these fluctuating back and forth between emotions.

Yet it is usually within this stage of the grieving process that we realise the reality of the death of the loved one.  We realise that the clock cannot be turned back and that there is only the future ahead.

Acceptance

During this stage, we realise fully the finality of death.   We have a true and cognitive understanding that it is what it is, that death is but a part of life.  It is the in this time that we realise we will be okay, that we know we will be able to live with the memories of our loved ones and that we will once more laugh and smile again.  

Often throughout the process of grieving we come to realise that there is more to death than the death of the body. We realise that the soul continues to journey into the afterlife or the astral and through that we as individuals grow spiritually.  We accept that when we ourselves transition we will meet with our loved one again.   It is usually during this time that we come to a place of peace about all that has transpired.

As you are aware from previous blogs of mine, we incarnate to learn and to teach.  And so, finally, I recommend that you continue your healing in forgiveness of all that was and is.   It is when we forgive both ourselves and our deceased loved one, those around us who were part of this journey and God, your Divine, that we can find absolute peace within our soul.  

Finally in ending, BE in gentleness with yourself and those around you as you process your grief. BE with absolute Love of all that was and is.  Most of all BE blessed with peace as you celebrate the continuance of your loved one’s soul journey.  May Angels always walk beside you and comfort you as you grieve.  

In love and light,

Amanda

Image courtesy of: https://bethtrissel.wordpress.com/2014/07/13/until-we-meet-again-may-god-hold-you-in-the-palm-of-his-hand-irish-prayer/

© Amanda C Nicolin 2015

Permission is granted to share this article freely on the condition that the author is credited.